Sunday, August 22, 2010

this life

This blog has evolved for me over time. Conforming to whatever I have needed it to be. A journal, a field book, a soap box, a photo album.

Today, it is a journal for me again. I need this space. So please forgive me for the long winded post and the lactating hormonal mother filled words. I promise to get back to pretty things soon...

Yesterday my precious baby fell. As soon as her head made contact with the tile I heard the most sickening sound. It was like snapping a piece of wood. Panic filled the next few minutes as I held her and she heaped screaming cries and B frantically called the doctor. We waited. For three minutes that stretched on like hours and then decided to take her to the ER.

Once there I ran in, swallowing the huge knot in my throat I spoke through the glass in stutters "M-my baby f-fell and and hit her head." I must have sounded like an idiot, but it was all I could manage to get out.

We were quickly shuffled in. She fell asleep in my lap. The doctor cooed at her and sent her back for a CT scan. Strapped down she screamed and I held her head still. It was torture for us both.

After 3 doctors and one radiologist they determined that her skull was fractured and she needed to be admitted to the children's hospital in the city.

I kissed my other little ones goodbye and with two borrowed diapers and B's cellphone clung to my chest (no diaper bag) I followed the stretcher out to the ambulance.

Once we arrived they stripped her down and did a full skeletal x-ray. 20 x-rays. The room was so cold. She screamed and I stood outside the door smelling her onsie and hurting inside. B called right then and I sobbed into the phone. His calm words assured me that she was okay and we'd have her home soon. They handed her back to me and her tiny fists filled themselves with my hair and her wet check pressed against mine.

Back in the room they cathiderized her (more screaming), they gave her an IV (so much more screaming) and we were finally transferred into the neurology unit of the hospital. I'll never forget the ride through the hallways on that wheelchair. Her wrapped tightly in a blanket staring up into my eyes. There was peace for a few moments.

They disrobed her once more, weighed her, checked for vitals and finally left us alone to settle in for the night. B stayed with us. I will be forever thankful for that. He is my rock. (Thank you thank you to our dear Fergusons for watching our other girls.)

A nurse came in every hour and a half, all night long. I was so happy to see light start to come in through the window and a sweet smile on my baby's face in the morning.

They continued vitals, we saw doctors and nurses. In and out. In and out. She cried, she slept. Finally in the early afternoon they said she could go home to heal.


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We came home. Into a sunny living room, as if nothing had ever happened.

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Her sisters squealed and brought her a lap full of toys. She meekly smiled and clung to my hair. I'm not sure if I care for that to ever change...

I sat in her room tonight, rocking her as the sun slowly went down. She fell asleep there, in my arms. Her tiny mouth fell open and her gentle, milky breath poured out over my ears. Heavenly. Her bruised baby hand rested on my cheek.

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And for all of us, life just got a little sweeter.


Sherry August 22, 2010 at 11:15 PM  

Yikes. That sounds so terrifying. I'm so glad she's okay!

Darling Details August 22, 2010 at 11:40 PM  

I feel for you. I'm so glad it's all okay. :) hurray for a happy ending. You are so poetic. Hugs

Melinda August 22, 2010 at 11:48 PM  

Love you.

Stephanie T August 23, 2010 at 3:00 AM  

I am so happy she is safe and able to be home in your loving embrace.

To Life August 23, 2010 at 3:00 AM  

"Yikes" was my first response too. How scary! We'll pray it doesn't have lasting adverse affects...Very glad she seems okay now. Thanks for letting us all know. By the way---her hair has really lightened up in the past 2 months!

Karen Ella August 23, 2010 at 10:46 AM  

Sheesh Phalph. If you ever decide to give up photog (please don't), the written word would be a perfect void-filler. My word, I just cried in cubie-land. I'll pray for a quick and full recovery.

Charlotte August 23, 2010 at 11:10 AM  

Oh Ralphie!!! As a mother, my heart just stopped for you (okay that didn't make any sense but you know what I mean). Nothing is worse than having such a little one so badly hurt. I'm so glad she's ok and back home!! I imagine your heart will be racing for some weeks to come:)

Gretchen August 23, 2010 at 11:30 AM  

Give her a hug from me. <3

chelon:) August 23, 2010 at 11:49 AM  

Serious flashbacks to a year ago June...lots of prayers to you and that angelic baby of yours. Xoxo

Stacy August 23, 2010 at 12:07 PM  

Having your dear sweet baby in the hospital is one of the most challenging times a mother can have. I am so greatful for the Lords tender mercies that help you feel his loving embrace and to know that "He is in full control" and to have Faith in him that everything will be ok. I KNOW you and NE NE were watched over by angels in that hospital and will never forget the love you felt!!!! LOVE,

Mauri August 23, 2010 at 12:40 PM  

oh my gosh ralphie! (i'm bawling!!) so scary! miracles and blessings she is ok! you two must be living is to a healthy and speedy recovery (and to balogna sandwiches and top ramen while you wait...they help everything...;) love to the whole family!!

Strong Family - August 23, 2010 at 1:21 PM  

Oh my goodness! SO so scary. I'm glad that she is okay! :-)

Erin Cummings August 23, 2010 at 2:48 PM  

Poor little thing, I'm so glad she's ok. If you need anything at all, please call. I'd love to bring you all dinner so you can just hold her! Just say the word! Are you doing ok now?

snappy August 23, 2010 at 4:36 PM  

Yikes and double yikes! I think I will go and hold my baby. I am so glad she is able to heal at home. The hospital is so alien. Hug, kisses, and love to you and your family.

theloulie August 23, 2010 at 8:41 PM  

How scary, scary, scary.

I'm so glad everything is okay now.

Janssen August 23, 2010 at 9:33 PM  

Oh how we love your little family and are so grateful she's okay.

Angela Noelle of SK August 24, 2010 at 8:11 PM  

What a gripping read!

I feel for you. And love your angle - reflection and gratitude. Such a sweet and tender post. x

Bart August 24, 2010 at 9:52 PM  

Sooooo glad she's okay. Your post made my heart race and now I'm feeling weepy just thinking about it all - cool, collected B and Ralphie in such an intense, scary, and awful circumstance with poor little NieNie hurt and prodded. But she's okay. I'll have nightmares, to be sure, but she's okay. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out...

The Kooky Queen--Rachel August 25, 2010 at 3:58 PM  

Oh Ralphie that is the WORST ever!!!!!!! I'm so sorry! I bet that was such a nightmare for you! I'm glad she's okay!

Carolyn August 25, 2010 at 11:26 PM  

I'm so happy she is doing well! That's so scary!!

heather August 26, 2010 at 1:20 PM  

I just cried - and then I left you a message... all my love.

Jenny August 26, 2010 at 9:36 PM  

So glad she's ok, I was really emotional reading your post, especially about your little girl grabbing fistfuls of hair, my little girl does the same thing, so sorry you (and her) had to go through that.

Eric and Brynn August 26, 2010 at 10:16 PM  

you are a talented writer! I was wrapped in every word. So glad she is okay! My niece went through a very similar experience. Heavenly Father sure looks out for his little ones!

Stueller August 27, 2010 at 9:27 AM  

Oh wow.. I can't even imagine. I wish even though I've never meet you I could have been there to give you a hug, just to help in whatever way I could have. I am so glad she is okay.

Mom G August 31, 2010 at 2:27 AM  

We are glad she is doing better! What a scare. Thank you for sharing your feelings - it makes us feel closer to you. Aunt Barbara and Uncle Rulon

Nells-Bells September 13, 2010 at 9:53 PM  

how scary! oh my goodness. so glad she is home and okay. i love the beautiful pictures of her and your poetic way of putting things together. beautiful.

Vee September 22, 2010 at 10:52 AM  

This post had me in tears. My 11 mo. old baby girl is a tumbler. She can get out of anything including her crib with a low mattress, and it seems like she is always falling on her head. I've had more scares than I would care to admit. In fact I'm too scared to even dare bring her highchair into the kitchen with me because I've seen what my tile does to glass, stone and plastic, which makes making dinner difficult to do, because she want's to be right there. ;) So I can imagine the fear that might have gone through your heart. I'm so so sorry and I'm so glad she's ok. I love how the little ones hold onto their mama's. I think it's one of the sweetest things in the world. I think I'll go squeeze my babe a little tighter now. I hope Nienie continues to improve. She's beautiful.